Categories

Poetry

Chest Intellectual Puffing by Ian Rand McKenzie

Hearing

The most important lessons
Always take too long
Like your favorite part
Of that catchy song

You're never patient enough
For those words you heard today
To go from your ears
To your mind's inner fray

Be patient and truly listen
You may eventually find
An abundance of wisdom
In the present mind

Afraid

When I am afraid
I do not fear
I pick up my blade
And slam another beer

When I am afraid
I start another fight
I don't let fear fade
I fight it with all my might

My rage fuels my terror
So on and on I go
Fighting with all my fervor
Until next winter's snow

Coexist

I experience a piece of heaven
Every single day
When I speak my affirmations, seven
When gratitude I pay

When I see something to fruition
When I respect my body
When I make a connection
When I say something naughty

When I eat, when I fight
When I treat, when I see the light

Heaven does not exist, it is right here
When I coexist, I shed all my fear

Selfish

I am selfish
In every single way
I am programmed to kill fish
And manipulate man to sway

My instinct is to survive
At any cost that may be
Like keeping my fellow man alive
To give them all of me

When others survive
So shall I
We selfishly thrive
Until and after we die

Stack Overflow

Today I did a search
From being stuck
To a forward lurch

From saying, "Fuck!"
To saying, "Done!"
From getting stuck
To having fun

To solve my problems
I always know
I'll purge code goblins
With Stack Overflow

Human Design

We all need to design
A better human experience
Let us not resign
To this arbitrary fence...

...that divides us from eachother
That obscures our sight
From truth, from love, from our brother
From our sister, our mother, our might

It is finally time
For human design

Erase

Erasing memories
Is the same as a lie
Ignoring territories
Of your mind's eye

Drink a potion
Forget your fate
Stirring commotion
Igniting hate

Digest all that is false
Start another fight
Or still your pulse
And never say goodnight

Spending

Some people spend all their energy
On workflows and good synergy
Some people focus all their will
To hone themselves and chill

Some people sap all their energy
On criticizing others while ignoring their own lethargy

Some pat themselves on the back
For all the reasons they direct their hate
Yet they never seem to keep track
Of the things they do that control their fate

A Lovely Lass

I once met a lovely lass
Though, she was rather crass
She loved to slap my ass
And give other men a pass
She had rather bad gas
But, she was a catch – a trophy bass
A volumptuous lass
Her boussoms with such mass
She had such wit and sass
But, one day did pass
She was swallowed by a morass
Oh, the funeral had such class!
They played the sweetest blue grass
She was my sweet piece of ass
Now she's just biomass
By now, you've wished you'd given a pass
To this shit poem, written by a jackass.

My Bag

I always have in my bag
A lighter for lighting a fag

I always have in my sack
A calorie-heavy snack

And every day I pack
An axe for wood I hack

I always keep my container
Full with paper, no-brainer

I never forget to stock my carrier
With softer paper for my derrière

It's always such a drag
All the shit I have in my bag.

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Do you normally dislike poetry? Me too! It turns out I like writing it, but I cringe at the thought of the stereotypical puffy culture surrounding it. If I want to smell my own farts all day, I stuff my belly with garlic and onions, thank you very much.

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Sorry, sorry! I just thought since you've been on this site for longer than average, you might hear me out?

Why do you do this to me, Ian...

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Also, I don't do anything shady or aggressive with your email address. I'll only send you the good stuff and won't share your email with any person/provider that isn't working for me to serve you better.

'Serve me better.' What deliciously vague jargon. Is this where you pretend to be me and you make me respond with a contrived form of consent because you're bold enough to assume this cute little chat interface gimmick is enough to actually get me to sign up?

Ummm... uhhh... ahh... Sign up and get exclusive discounts and early access!!!! Come ooooon! Induced scarcity is fun!


...alright, well, I'll leave it up to you.

Ian's Creations

Enderbook

The social app for Minecrafters. Share creations, follow friends, set up trades, & live chat.

Art & NFTs

Much like the poetry, another vehicle for humor, social commentary, & occasional beauty.

Homicide App

Arbitrary gatekeeping systems like laws, morals, and forceful intervention make murder more difficult than ever. With Homicide.app, murder from the convenience of home!

The Meme Hotline

Serving dad jokes over automated voice and meme text messages via SMS completely toll-free!

Objektiv Digital

Making websites for successful local businesses. The most effective one-man-agency you'll likely ever find.

Like this nav? It does what every marketing-oriented web designer will tell you not to do: shove as many things in your face as I can!