Ian McKenzie's Blog

A healthy mix of sober and psychotic ramblings.

Hello Canada

Hello Canada
My new home
You're so very familiar
A new place to roam

Hello Canada
As some would say, "America's hat"
You could easily be a few more states
Did you know that?

But you're not
And that's great
A place of independent thought
And a will to your own fate

But never forget
That people are people
And do not let
Your people be sheep-le

You are tall and proud
Steadfast and wise
So resist the enemy's shroud
Lest we see our demise

Little Miss Pickle Muffin

I once had a cat
Not a dog, not a puffin
I once had a cat
Her name, Little Miss Pickle Muffin

She was a goodest girl
She was a puffy floof of loves
I'll never forget her furl
Or those veterenarean's gloves

But enough of that
What's done is done
I'll still love that cat
And her presence as warm as the sun

So here's to our pets
And the ways we toughen
When we go to vets
And say goodbye to Little Miss Pickle Muffin

The Curse of Technology

What device shall we blame today?
For our own bad habits and sinful way?
Which technology are we to blame?
For our addiction and our shame?

How about the phone! The TV! The car!
The radio! The music! The drinking bar!
Let's blame electricity! No, let's blame fire!
Let's blame anything other than our misguided desire.

Man of the Year

All hail, flatulator of the year!
A man so flatulant
He can fart you to tears!

All hail, the man with gas!
We love his smell
Though some would rather pass

All hail, the many of many farts
He's repulsed so many
But he's captured our hearts.

The World Eater

Behold, the ancient one, Xorbidu!
He gobbles up worlds, yes, it's true
He eats carrots, he will eat a bunny
He eats parrots, and guys that think they're funny

He'll eat you, he'll eat me
He'll even eat the toilets where we pee!
He'll eat mountains, he'll eat skies
When Xorbidu comes, everyone dies.

Up Late

I like to stay up late
Why, yes, I do
Skip out on a date
That I was going to

I like to stay up late
And work all night long
No amount of work will sate
The troubled reasons for this song

I'm penniless
I'm desperate
I barely keep a roof over my head

That's a lie
Here's why

I'm impatient
I'm ungrateful
I always move to the next shiny thing

I like to stay up late
And I know exactly why
Because I'm afraid of a fate
Of living as a slave until I die

The Question

"What a stupid question"
The hurting man said
Little did he know
It was a brilliant question instead

There is no folly in the quest to know
With every "stupid" question, we are allowed to grow

I don't blame the hurting man
For his words of spite
Because when we are hurting
We lose our mind's might

The Clunk

I am a dud
I am a clunk
I am a downer
A kerplunker
A drip
And a slip
I am nothing special
At least that's what they say
Others say nay!
It cannot be this way!
They say I'm smart
They say I'm kind
They say I'm quite the find
Maybe they're right
I don't know
Maybe, I shouldn't listen to their words
Maybe, I should listen to what I show

Fast Growth

I wish this
I wish that
I wish I could control the past

Looking at now
Looking at then
I'd change myself last

This lesson here
This lesson there
Personal growth never comes fast

Safety Nets

Relying on a safety net
Is a rather precarious bet
On relying what you see
Assuming it will always be

Risks should be taken
While the nets are still there
Because we may never awaken
To risks which we are unaware
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