Ian McKenzie's Blog

A healthy mix of sober and psychotic ramblings.

Christmas Stocking

Everyone is mocking
My trusty Christmas stocking

With its big buttons
And size for a glutton

Everyone stares in shock
At my big 'ol Christmas sock

Yet it does have a small fandom
For its quirks are not random

Turns out, some poeple love
My silly Christmas foot glove

From when its design was first drafted
In turn, love is how it was crafted


If my house was ablaze
I would navigate the maze

To get all my stuff
My electronics, collectibles, and fluff

You know what I wouldn't mind?
If I left my wife behind

Because, WIFE BAD! That's my humor
You call it mean, I call it 'boomer'

If I Were A Book

If I were a book
I'd have a peculiar look

So heavy, the shelf would rattle
With a tightly stitched saddle

It would be a collection
Of the odd recollection

Of slapstick humor
And existential horror

It would be a mindbending ride
And an eventual slide

To simultaneous awakening and madness
And escape from sadness


It is always a pleasure
To care for the house
To keep things tidy
To keep out the mouse

It wasn't always easy
Doing my part
But all that changed
When I filled my heart

With purpose, with adrenaline, with love
Tidying a house, I am never above

With patience, with kindness, and giving
A tidy house is simple with a meaningful living


The most important lessons
Always take too long
Like your favorite part
Of that catchy song

You're never patient enough
For those words you heard today
To go from your ears
To your mind's inner fray

Be patient and truly listen
You may eventually find
An abundance of wisdom
In the present mind


When I am afraid
I do not fear
I pick up my blade
And slam another beer

When I am afraid
I start another fight
I don't let fear fade
I fight it with all my might

My rage fuels my terror
So on and on I go
Fighting with all my fervor
Until next winter's snow


I experience a piece of heaven
Every single day
When I speak my affirmations, seven
When gratitude I pay

When I see something to fruition
When I respect my body
When I make a connection
When I say something naughty

When I eat, when I fight
When I treat, when I see the light

Heaven does not exist, it is right here
When I coexist, I shed all my fear


I am selfish
In every single way
I am programmed to kill fish
And manipulate man to sway

My instinct is to survive
At any cost that may be
Like keeping my fellow man alive
To give them all of me

When others survive
So shall I
We selfishly thrive
Until and after we die

Stack Overflow

Today I did a search
From being stuck
To a forward lurch

From saying, "Fuck!"
To saying, "Done!"
From getting stuck
To having fun

To solve my problems
I always know
I'll purge code goblins
With Stack Overflow

Human Design

We all need to design
A better human experience
Let us not resign
To this arbitrary fence...

...that divides us from eachother
That obscures our sight
From truth, from love, from our brother
From our sister, our mother, our might

It is finally time
For human design
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