Poetry by Ian Rand McKenzie

Silly Rhymes and Writing Good Times

Performative Masculinity

Pull my teeth out and I will use my claws
Pull my claws and I will bludgeon with my paws
Starve me and I will use my bones
Break my bones and I will use my mind
Break my mind and I will rest in victory

Because you should have just killed me in the first place!

*looks around*

AHHHH!! GAY PEOPLE!!!

*runs away*

The Stone

The stone is unconcerned with its mortality
Does not contemplate frailty

The stone only harms when disturbed
To some that thought is absurd

The stone obeys the waters
And disregards the others

The stone will see it all
Before we rise, after we fall

Praise

When we exalt the dead
We forget all their dread
A human that we laughed, cried and failed with
Soon becomes legend and myth

They reached higher than anyone before
To bring us to heights higher evermore
We sing their name in praise
And make impossible, all their ways

A person full of heart, goodness, and sin
To a person of stature, we could never win
And as we revere and anoint
We missed the whole point

That such reverence and glory
Can be attained in our own story
Whether as duty, as needed, or for recognition
Great deeds are possible within all our cognition

We sing the praise of those that past
Not for their honour, but for possibility vast
Singing the name of a being we cannot attain
Is the continued story of humanity’s pain
And with their doubts, these legends did not wane 
And our mythologizing their name is driving them insane

Hot Water

Who is Earl, and why is he grey?
And why does he turn London into a foggy day?
Why does he roll with that islander lot?
Why does he smell of bergamot?

Who is Jasmine, and why is she green?
Does she blossom just to make a scene?
Is she from Okinawa or Fujian?
Is she mortal, or a goddess of heaven?

Who is Pepper and where does she mint?
Was she a goldsmith banker for a short stint?
Why does she now grow leaves that are cold as ice?
And why do they taste so very nice?

By all these words you must think I mean
That all these leaves are what make me serene
But to you, I must come clean
I always tend to favor my tropical queen

Her throne at risk by this warming Earth, we glean
I don't know how long she'll keep filling me with dopamine
But for now, she's here, giving me a sunny sheen
Of course, I am talking about the little brown coffee bean

Skin

Picking, scratching, endless thinking
Scrolling, tapping, endless sinking
Climbing, clawing, relentless longing
Comparing, staring, pointless glaring

Scrambunctious craggledrops
Sinking down their popscops
Drinking up their whifflemops
Spitting on the glory of Dorgumtops

What gives them the right?
To live with all their might?
They live better than you
That is your plight

Not our machines and guns
And poisoned food giving you runs
Not our silver tongues giving you the impression
That you are not tools for our oppression

Scrambunctious craggledrops
We'll beat them down with laws and cops
Their whimsical ways will stop
All hail the mighty Dorgumtops

Picking, scratching, endless thinking
Scrolling, tapping, endless sinking
Climbing, clawing, relentless longing
Comparing, staring, pointless glaring

iPhone Alarm Rap

ey
I'm coming up with all these stupid silly rhymes
ey
Yeah, I'm doing it pretty much all the damn time
ey
But all these rappers rap like they're from mars
ey
(laughing) While I struggle to keep up with these simple bars
ey
All these performers accuse appropriations
ey
But I'm not an inventor with my creations
ey
And you know, science is what finds all of our truths
ey
Engineers use discovery to sell to youths
ey
We get modern comforts like electricity
ey
Or social media razing society
ey
Hold up, that is 'raze' with a z and not an s
ey
English is so damn confusing, I must confess
ey
That's probably partly why we are in this mess
ey

Sexual Architecture

I feel so at odds
With your concrete reinforcing rods
I feel just like
A load-bearing dyke

My feelings aren't what they seem
Once I look at your big steel beam
You're like a seductress
With your thrust out buttress

My heart roamed aimlessly
Until I saw your masonry
Loving you a million
Looking at your pavilion

My heart is set on fire
Looking at your gothic spire
My desire needs no proof
Simply see my eyes looking at your thatched roof

Putting my loins in a fuss
Gazing upon your truss
I can no longer carry on this charade
As I look past your facade

Red Pill

oh what a pity
oh what a shame
got lost in the city
got lost in the game

oh what a tragedy
won't be the same
went from a comedy
to untameable flame

oh what a loss
that i'll never regain
a fateful coin toss
to another ego slain

Limousine Predator

I prefer cola
That’s what he said
But I do know
He’d rather give head

I invite him into my limo
And offer him a treat
So I whip out
My big long bull teat

He says no thanks
But I don’t take no for an answer
Little did I know
He’s a gun-slinging dancer

He says he’s been tracking me
For a few days
That he’s going to put an end
To my predator ways

I let out a big
Guffaw, ha ha ha!
Then he put a bullet in my head
Straight through my split open maw

21 Love Salute

Sleep deprivation
Unconsciousness starvation
That is my libation
In this capitalist nation

I sit at this workstation
Solving complications
Designing my creations
For under-appreciations

So I pivot to recreation
With the expectation
Of mental elevation
Of finding inspiration

But much to my frustration
A victim of manipulation
And sociopathic exploitation
I learn my limitation

My thoughts reach congregation
To unhealthy, sad obsession
Of rebellious elimination
And dragon execution

Fortunes without taxation
Raping vegetation
Privacy violation
Total domination

Old slaves, new plantation
Excess waste met with celebration
Public displays of discrimination
Kill people, pay the corporation

Destroy all regulation
Ignore the radiation
Shallow words of conservation
Performative participation

Masked representation
Of diverting investigation
Distorting examination
Falsifying information

‘For the children,’ their declaration
While sowing indoctrination
Abominating civilization
Calling it innovation

I reach for ammunition
Prepare for liberation
Seek out their termination
Much to my degradation

In my self assassination
I made the estimation
Blood is not my destination
So began my transformation

Letting go of the perpetuation
Of self-induced isolation
Reducing confrontation
Let go of my reservations

Begin my emancipation
With meditation
Eliminating temptation
Ego naked, sans-humiliation

I harness my fixation
On reconciliation
And consolation
For my close affiliation

Continue meditation
Breathe through fluctuation
Float in my constellation
Rethink my habitation

Focus on adoration
And reparation
Moderation
Unification

The land of anger, we’re in emigration
Without hesitation
With full dedication
Ceasing hate’s confrontation

Honesty, our vocation
Love, our vibration
Theresa, our imitation
Lifting others, our intoxication

Open hearts, our retaliation
Our opinions meet annihilation
Our connection is rejuvenation
Our reformation meets ovation

From suffocation to jubilation
Disassociation to unification
Malformation to augmentation
Love kindling to conflagration

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Ian's Creations

Poetry

From innocent witticisms to performative wokeness to outright vulgarity.

Schizophrenia Blog

Tips and tricks for managing mental illness, plus stories of living with schizophrenia.

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Serving dad jokes over automated voice and meme text messages via SMS completely toll-free!

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Art & NFTs

Much like the poetry, another vehicle for humor, social commentary, & occasional beauty.

Personal Blog & Project Updates

Like everyone else on social media, I've been deluded into thinking my opinions matter.

Objektiv Digital

Making websites for successful local businesses. The most effective one-man-agency you'll likely ever find.

Like this nav? It does what every marketing-oriented web designer will tell you not to do: shove as many things in your face as I can!