Ian McKenzie's Blog

The Catch-All Feed for Content Created by Ian McKenzie

Looking for the schizophrenia posts that were originally at this link? Click ‘Schizophrenia‘ above in the sub-navigation!

Shattered Sarcophagus

I’m synonymous with anonymous
The metropolis like acropolis
My confidence is anomalous
Consciousness a choked esophagus

Their sight a false prominence
An oculus of ‘omnipotence’
Peering my precarious propolis
Caring with

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The Stone

The stone is unconcerned with its mortality
Does not contemplate frailty

The stone only harms when disturbed
To some that thought is absurd

The stone obeys the waters

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When we exalt the dead
We forget all their dread
A human that we laughed, cried and failed with
Soon becomes legend and myth

They reached higher than

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Hot Water

Who is Earl, and why is he grey?
And why does he turn London into a foggy day?
Why does he roll with that islander lot?

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Picking, scratching, endless thinking
Scrolling, tapping, endless sinking
Climbing, clawing, relentless longing
Comparing, staring, pointless glaring

Scrambunctious craggledrops
Sinking down their popscops
Drinking up their whifflemops
Spitting on the glory of

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iPhone Alarm Rap

I’m coming up with all these stupid silly rhymes
Yeah, I’m doing it pretty much all the damn time
But all these rappers rap like they’re

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Sexual Architecture

I feel so at odds
With your concrete reinforcing rods
I feel just like
A load-bearing dyke

My feelings aren’t what they seem
Once I look at your big

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Red Pill

oh what a pity
oh what a shame
got lost in the city
got lost in the game

oh what a tragedy
won’t be the same
went from a comedy

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Limousine Predator

I prefer cola
That’s what he said
But I do know
He’d rather give head

I invite him into my limo
And offer him a treat
So I whip out

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21 Love Salute

Sleep deprivation
Unconsciousness starvation
That is my libation
In this capitalist nation

I sit at this workstation
Solving complications
Designing my creations
For under-appreciations

So I pivot to recreation
With the expectation
Of mental

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Create? Just Don’t

Don’t fix it if it ain’t broke
Don’t write it if it once wrote
Don’t paint it with one coat
Don’t design it if it got bloat

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mood: moody

nail polish: black
skin: pale
diet: anemic
mood: moody
meds: flushed down the toilet
music: angelspit
cocaine: uncut
i’ll see you on the other side (of the suburbs) don’t try to

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The clouds in the sky
The rage in my soul
The band named Tool
And the gal named Lizzo

Salvador and
Savory foods
With lots of greens

The people I love

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Broken Bodies

My bones creak
As I remember the siren shriek
I was lured to rocky shores
We shared similar chores

Keeping our bodies clean
And our muscles lean
Our minds clear

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They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Some like women thin, some like them bolder
I must admit, my partner is small
But she’s

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The Shitty Trinity

I relieved myself today. How many times?
Not once
Not twice
But thrice!

I did yesterday as well. Again, how many?
Not once
Not twice
But thrice!

Can you guess how many

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I do NOT like to be interrupted.
Just kidding, I love it!
Some people will cringe
Tell you to shove it

But, as you’ll see
That’s not me
To share

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If you are like me and love nerding out about self-care, artistic expression, technology, and trying your best to balance your rampant cynicism with an equal measure of rampant silliness, I think you’ll vibe with what I do here.

I will only send updates that I am completely convinced will be valuable to you. I respect your time by respecting my time. I don’t send frivolous bullshit.

Wow, Ian, your posts are mostly shit.

LOL. Yup. They are. If you don't want to scroll through endless.. shitposts, well...

You can scroll to the top and click on a category that's more appealing to you. Most of my other content is in the Poetry and Schizophrenia categories

Ugh... I don't want to have to scroll ALL the way up. My fingers hurt from scrolling your shit already!

Wow, thanks Ian. You're my hero!

I know you're not actually saying that, and this is just a silly piece of the website that is shoving those words in your mouth, but you're welcome.

Speaking of shoving things into other things, why not let me shove emails into your inbox by signing up to my newsletter where I send updates about my non-shitty content?

AGHKGH! [email protected]&# OFF POPUP!

Sorry, sorry! I just thought since you've been on this site for longer than average, you might hear me out?

Why do you do this to me, Ian...

Okay, okay, I'll be quick! I have a newsletter to keep you up-to-date on my content and projects. If my stuff tickles your pickle, help us both out by subscribing!

Also, I don't do anything shady or aggressive with your email address. I'll only send you the good stuff and won't share your email with any person/provider that isn't working for me to serve you better.

'Serve me better.' What deliciously vague jargon. Is this where you pretend to be me and you make me respond with a contrived form of consent because you're bold enough to assume this cute little chat interface gimmick is enough to actually get me to sign up?

Ummm... uhhh... ahh... Sign up and get exclusive discounts and early access!!!! Come ooooon! Induced scarcity is fun!

...alright, well, I'll leave it up to you.

Ian's Creations


The social app for Minecrafters. Share creations, follow friends, set up trades, & live chat.

Art & NFTs

Much like the poetry, another vehicle for humor, social commentary, & occasional beauty.

Homicide App

Arbitrary gatekeeping systems like laws, morals, and forceful intervention make murder more difficult than ever. With, murder from the convenience of home!

The Meme Hotline

Serving dad jokes over automated voice and meme text messages via SMS completely toll-free!

Objektiv Digital

Making websites for successful local businesses. The most effective one-man-agency you'll likely ever find.

Like this nav? It does what every marketing-oriented web designer will tell you not to do: shove as many things in your face as I can!