Who is Earl, and why is he grey? And why does he turn London into a foggy day? Why does he roll with that islander lot? Why does he smell of bergamot? Who is Jasmine, and why is she green? Does she blossom just to make a scene? Is she from Okinawa or Fujian? Is she mortal, or a goddess of heaven? Who is Pepper and where does she mint? Was she a goldsmith banker for a short stint? Why does she now grow leaves that are cold as ice? And why do they taste so very nice? By all these words you must think I mean That all these leaves are what make me serene But to you, I must come clean I always tend to favor my tropical queen Her throne at risk by this warming Earth, we glean I don't know how long she'll keep filling me with dopamine But for now, she's here, giving me a sunny sheen Of course, I am talking about the little brown coffee bean
Do you normally dislike poetry? Me too! It turns out, I like writing it, but I cringe at the thought of the stereotypical puffy culture surrounding it. If I want to smell my own farts all day, I stuff my belly with garlic and onions, thank you very much.
Anyway, if you want more poetry without all the stuffy pseudo-intellectual silliness attached, subscribe to my newsletter below. Unsubscribe at anytime. I respect your time by respecting mine. I don’t send frivolous bullshit.
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Sorry, sorry! I just thought since you've been on this site for longer than average, you might hear me out?
Why do you do this to me, Ian...
Okay, okay, I'll be quick! I have a newsletter to keep you up-to-date on my content and projects. If my stuff tickles your pickle, help us both out by subscribing!
Also, I don't do anything shady or aggressive with your email address. I'll only send you the good stuff and won't share your email with any person/provider that isn't working for me to serve you better.
'Serve me better.' What deliciously vague jargon. Is this where you pretend to be me and you make me respond with a contrived form of consent because you're bold enough to assume this cute little chat interface gimmick is enough to actually get me to sign up?
Ummm... uhhh... ahh... Sign up and get exclusive discounts and early access!!!! Come ooooon! Induced scarcity is fun!
...alright, well, I'll leave it up to you.
Like this nav? It does what every marketing-oriented web designer will tell you not to do: shove as many things in your face as I can!
