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Month: November 2021


Picking, scratching, endless thinking
Scrolling, tapping, endless sinking
Climbing, clawing, relentless longing
Comparing, staring, pointless glaring

Scrambunctious craggledrops
Sinking down their popscops
Drinking up their whifflemops
Spitting on the glory of

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iPhone Alarm Rap

I’m coming up with all these stupid silly rhymes
Yeah, I’m doing it pretty much all the damn time
But all these rappers rap like they’re

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Sexual Architecture

I feel so at odds
With your concrete reinforcing rods
I feel just like
A load-bearing dyke

My feelings aren’t what they seem
Once I look at your big

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Red Pill

oh what a pity
oh what a shame
got lost in the city
got lost in the game

oh what a tragedy
won’t be the same
went from a comedy

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21 Love Salute

Sleep deprivation
Unconsciousness starvation
That is my libation
In this capitalist nation

I sit at this workstation
Solving complications
Designing my creations
For under-appreciations

So I pivot to recreation
With the expectation
Of mental

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mood: moody

nail polish: black
skin: pale
diet: anemic
mood: moody
meds: flushed down the toilet
music: angelspit
cocaine: uncut
i’ll see you on the other side (of the suburbs) don’t try to

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The clouds in the sky
The rage in my soul
The band named Tool
And the gal named Lizzo

Salvador and
Savory foods
With lots of greens

The people I love

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Sorry, sorry! I just thought since you've been on this site for longer than average, you might hear me out?

Why do you do this to me, Ian...

Okay, okay, I'll be quick! I have a newsletter to keep you up-to-date on my content and projects. If my stuff tickles your pickle, help us both out by subscribing!

Also, I don't do anything shady or aggressive with your email address. I'll only send you the good stuff and won't share your email with any person/provider that isn't working for me to serve you better.

'Serve me better.' What deliciously vague jargon. Is this where you pretend to be me and you make me respond with a contrived form of consent because you're bold enough to assume this cute little chat interface gimmick is enough to actually get me to sign up?

Ummm... uhhh... ahh... Sign up and get exclusive discounts and early access!!!! Come ooooon! Induced scarcity is fun!

...alright, well, I'll leave it up to you.

Ian's Creations


The social app for Minecrafters. Share creations, follow friends, set up trades, & live chat.

Art & NFTs

Much like the poetry, another vehicle for humor, social commentary, & occasional beauty.

Homicide App

Arbitrary gatekeeping systems like laws, morals, and forceful intervention make murder more difficult than ever. With, murder from the convenience of home!

The Meme Hotline

Serving dad jokes over automated voice and meme text messages via SMS completely toll-free!

Objektiv Digital

Making websites for successful local businesses. The most effective one-man-agency you'll likely ever find.

Like this nav? It does what every marketing-oriented web designer will tell you not to do: shove as many things in your face as I can!