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Month: November 2019

Saying No

The more I say, “no”
Truth may be revealed
Of my inner glow
Insecurities nil concealed

From there, understanding birthed
New ways of thinking unearthed

Acceptance begins
No more sins

Against those

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Tall Woman

I have a distant memory
Of a tall woman, so shimmery

Three times my size
My head up to her thighs

She wore a thin layer
Of blush and

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Ancient Bodies

There is a great shame
In this contemporary culture
Forgetting the origin of our name
This self-inflicted torture

Of course, value the insights of today
But, let us not

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I’m as awkward as…
A hog-tied snake
A dirt farm rake
A milkless shake
A fishless lake
A red tide clam bake
A red state gay wedding cake
Arbitrary rhymes, for

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Almost every day
I am celebrateful
Of almost every way
That I am grateful

Sometimes it is miniscule
Others, it is great
Sometimes it is obscure
Others, painfully forward and straight


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Everyone I know
Is a sagely mentor
Teaching what to bolster
And what to temper

Some of my mentors
Are cautionary tales
Are wind in my sails
Lift me from my

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Christmas Stocking

Everyone is mocking
My trusty Christmas stocking

With its big buttons
And size for a glutton

Everyone stares in shock
At my big ‘ol Christmas sock

Yet it does have

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If my house was ablaze
I would navigate the maze

To get all my stuff
My electronics, collectibles, and fluff

You know what I wouldn’t mind?
If I left

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If I Were A Book

If I were a book
I’d have a peculiar look

So heavy, the shelf would rattle
With a tightly stitched saddle

It would be a collection
Of the odd

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Sorry, sorry! I just thought since you've been on this site for longer than average, you might hear me out?

Why do you do this to me, Ian...

Okay, okay, I'll be quick! I have a newsletter to keep you up-to-date on my content and projects. If my stuff tickles your pickle, help us both out by subscribing!

Also, I don't do anything shady or aggressive with your email address. I'll only send you the good stuff and won't share your email with any person/provider that isn't working for me to serve you better.

'Serve me better.' What deliciously vague jargon. Is this where you pretend to be me and you make me respond with a contrived form of consent because you're bold enough to assume this cute little chat interface gimmick is enough to actually get me to sign up?

Ummm... uhhh... ahh... Sign up and get exclusive discounts and early access!!!! Come ooooon! Induced scarcity is fun!

...alright, well, I'll leave it up to you.

Ian's Creations


The social app for Minecrafters. Share creations, follow friends, set up trades, & live chat.

Art & NFTs

Much like the poetry, another vehicle for humor, social commentary, & occasional beauty.

Homicide App

Arbitrary gatekeeping systems like laws, morals, and forceful intervention make murder more difficult than ever. With, murder from the convenience of home!

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Serving dad jokes over automated voice and meme text messages via SMS completely toll-free!

Objektiv Digital

Making websites for successful local businesses. The most effective one-man-agency you'll likely ever find.

Like this nav? It does what every marketing-oriented web designer will tell you not to do: shove as many things in your face as I can!