Vacations are terrifying On planes, all I think about is dying When I take the train All I fear is pain When I'm in the car I imagine my brains splattering on the tar Leaving the hotel gives me grief Always watching for a thief Festivals? I can't be bugged For surely I'll get mugged I cannot go to sea All that water will drown me "Let's go for a swim," people will rave I'll say no to that watery grave "Let's go to the theatre, they're playing MacBeth!" The worst fate of all, being bored to death I suppose by now you know On vacations I hate to go But, there is one exception: If they have stellar internet connection