Vacations are terrifying
On planes, all I think about is dying

When I take the train
All I fear is pain

When I'm in the car
I imagine my brains splattering on the tar

Leaving the hotel gives me grief
Always watching for a thief

Festivals? I can't be bugged
For surely I'll get mugged

I cannot go to sea
All that water will drown me

"Let's go for a swim," people will rave
I'll say no to that watery grave

"Let's go to the theatre, they're playing MacBeth!"
The worst fate of all, being bored to death

I suppose by now you know
On vacations I hate to go

But, there is one exception:
If they have stellar internet connection

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