Vacations are terrifying On planes, all I think about is dying When I take the train All I fear is pain When I'm in the car I imagine my brains splattering on the tar Leaving the hotel gives me grief Always watching for a thief Festivals? I can't be bugged For surely I'll get mugged I cannot go to sea All that water will drown me "Let's go for a swim," people will rave I'll say no to that watery grave "Let's go to the theatre, they're playing MacBeth!" The worst fate of all, being bored to death I suppose by now you know On vacations I hate to go But, there is one exception: If they have stellar internet connection
Do you normally dislike poetry? Me too! It turns out, I like writing it, but I cringe at the thought of the stereotypical puffy culture surrounding it. If I want to smell my own farts all day, I stuff my belly with garlic and onions, thank you very much.
Anyway, if you want more poetry without all the stuffy pseudo-intellectual silliness attached, subscribe to my newsletter below. Unsubscribe at anytime. I respect your time by respecting mine. I don’t send frivolous bullshit.
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Sorry, sorry! I just thought since you've been on this site for longer than average, you might hear me out?
Why do you do this to me, Ian...
Okay, okay, I'll be quick! I have a newsletter to keep you up-to-date on my content and projects. If my stuff tickles your pickle, help us both out by subscribing!
Also, I don't do anything shady or aggressive with your email address. I'll only send you the good stuff and won't share your email with any person/provider that isn't working for me to serve you better.
'Serve me better.' What deliciously vague jargon. Is this where you pretend to be me and you make me respond with a contrived form of consent because you're bold enough to assume this cute little chat interface gimmick is enough to actually get me to sign up?
Ummm... uhhh... ahh... Sign up and get exclusive discounts and early access!!!! Come ooooon! Induced scarcity is fun!
...alright, well, I'll leave it up to you.
Like this nav? It does what every marketing-oriented web designer will tell you not to do: shove as many things in your face as I can!
