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Month: September 2019

Colors

Today, I am purple
Productivity, the color blue
My pumping blood, red

Today, I am helping poeple
Helping people with you
Culling my sense of dread

Today, I am broken

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Stationery

I am a killer
Afraid, you should not be
For I am a killer
Of my favorite stationery

There’s nothing more satisfying
Then killing a pen
There’s nothing more gratifying
Of

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Mornings

My morning is chaos
Can’t you see?
Sometimes I shower
Or stare at a tree

I’ll snooze my alarm
Most of the time
It’s always self-harm
Sleeping on my life’s dime

I’m

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Hello Canada

Hello Canada
My new home
You’re so very familiar
A new place to roam

Hello Canada
As some would say, “America’s hat”
You could easily be a few more states
Did

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Man of the Year

All hail, flatulator of the year!
A man so flatulant
He can fart you to tears!

All hail, the man with gas!
We love his smell
Though some would

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The World Eater

Behold, the ancient one, Xorbidu!
He gobbles up worlds, yes, it’s true
He eats carrots, he will eat a bunny
He eats parrots, and guys that think

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Up Late

I like to stay up late
Why, yes, I do
Skip out on a date
That I was going to

I like to stay up late
And work all

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The Question

“What a stupid question”
The hurting man said
Little did he know
It was a brilliant question instead

There is no folly in the quest to know
With every

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AGHKGH! F@&# OFF POPUP!

Sorry, sorry! I just thought since you've been on this site for longer than average, you might hear me out?

Why do you do this to me, Ian...

Okay, okay, I'll be quick! I have a newsletter to keep you up-to-date on my content and projects. If my stuff tickles your pickle, help us both out by subscribing!

Also, I don't do anything shady or aggressive with your email address. I'll only send you the good stuff and won't share your email with any person/provider that isn't working for me to serve you better.

'Serve me better.' What deliciously vague jargon. Is this where you pretend to be me and you make me respond with a contrived form of consent because you're bold enough to assume this cute little chat interface gimmick is enough to actually get me to sign up?

Ummm... uhhh... ahh... Sign up and get exclusive discounts and early access!!!! Come ooooon! Induced scarcity is fun!


...alright, well, I'll leave it up to you.

Ian's Creations

Enderbook

The social app for Minecrafters. Share creations, follow friends, set up trades, & live chat.

Art & NFTs

Much like the poetry, another vehicle for humor, social commentary, & occasional beauty.

Homicide App

Arbitrary gatekeeping systems like laws, morals, and forceful intervention make murder more difficult than ever. With Homicide.app, murder from the convenience of home!

The Meme Hotline

Serving dad jokes over automated voice and meme text messages via SMS completely toll-free!

Objektiv Digital

Making websites for successful local businesses. The most effective one-man-agency you'll likely ever find.

Like this nav? It does what every marketing-oriented web designer will tell you not to do: shove as many things in your face as I can!